About Kukai
by Vidka
Summary: Utau never knew she'd be so intrigued by this boy. Kutau.
1. About His Lovelife

**I hereby disclaim all copyrighted material.**

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It was an upsetting day for me.

I wanted to drown someone! Man, I hate my job! Sure it's glamorous, and sure I'm a star, but I get bossed around too much and I can't take it! I have the pressure of work, making other people happy, and Ikuto!

_Especially_ Ikuto.

I hurt to know that I could have fame, fortune, but I can't even have my own brother to love me. Amu has none of those, but she can capture Ikuto's attention without any effort. It makes everything I do entirely useless and worthless at the same time.

I feel like this all the time. Normally, I just take long, thoughtful walks along the shoreline of the beach when the ocean is so phospheric, I didn't want to cry anymore.

Normally, I would just dig my feet in the sand when I'm tired and melt away with the ocean breeze.

But this time was different.

A familiar looking boy who was taller than me, but looked younger, ran forcefully past me. His face reminded me of someone. I'd seen him before, right? I'm sure I'd seen him with Amu before…?

I shook the question out of my head before I let the power of the tranquility take over.

Staring at the boy running his soul out, I smiled at his determination.

I then I suddenly tried very hard not to laugh.

He'd tripped over a sea shell!

I walked over to where the fallen boy had fell. His auburn hair and green eyes…I know them from somewhere.

"Idol-san?" His face glistened from sweat. The sunset seemed to emphasize the glow from his face.

"K…K…Uh…Kid…?" I replied, not sure what his name was… Was it Cookie or something?

"Kukai." He corrected, as if he read my mind. "What might a pretty face like yours be doing on such an empty beach like this?"

It seems as if I'd found myself a sweating flirt.

"You don't need to know."

"Oh, I see you're the stubborn type." He says, smirking. "It's alright, I like a challenge."

"You're talking to me as if you're some sort of dangerous raper. I'm going home." I declared.

Kukai wiped with sweat off his forehead with his hand, still sickly smiling. "I'll just call my brother to pick me up then."

It wasn't until I walked away that I realized what a kid Kukai was.

* * *

Kukai and I have known eachother for about two months. He's been nothing but nice to me, despite the fact he would sometimes slip out a pickup line of some sort.

Also despite the fact I fell for most of them.

I've been feeling my feelings for Ikuto gradually fade away. Not fading, but subduing. Could it be possible I was confused with my feelings for all these years? Could Ikuto mean just a brother to me?

One day, Kukai called me over to his house for some homemade ramen. I was extremely confused. Why didn't we just go out instead? Kukai was no cook, I knew.

Could this…could this maybe be an excuse for his family to meet me?

It couldn't be, right? Probably only in the friend way. Parents should know who their child's friends are.

I'd never gotten around to asking how old Kukai was. At the time, judging by his appearance, I thought he was older than me. Probably an average sophomore or junior in highschool. So I turned to him for love advice.

His brothers warmly welcomed me into his home. He had many brothers, and he looked like them, too. It made me smile at how siblingly they can all be towards eachother. Could this have been what I was striving for in my relationship with Ikuto? A friendly siblinghood?

The two bowls of ramen were already set on the dining table. Kukai, being ever-so gentlemany, pulled my chair out for me. I graciously nodded in appreciation.

"Ready to get powned, Idol?"

I diabolically smirked in disagreement.

"Ready when you are."

I was about half way done with my bowl when I asked him, "Kukai, can you tell me about love?"

He nearly choked on the fishball he was eating. From the living room, I could hear his brothers annoyingly cooing at him.

"Love?"

"Love." I confirmed.

Kukai seemed flustered at my sudden question. I didn't quite understand it back then. Remember I thought he was older than me?

"What do you want to know about love?"

"I wanna know when you love someone."

"I didn't know I loved the girl I loved until I told someone about it and they went, 'Ooh, you love her!'" Kukai embarrasingly confessed. I couldn't help but stiffle a giggle through my sleeve.

"How did you feel about this person?"

He smiled at me.

I smiled back.

He smirked at me.

I smirked back.

"Whelp, there's no fooling you, Idol-san~" he said, resting both arms behind his head. "I couldn't help loving her. I just wanted to be with her every second of the day."

My heart skipped a beat at his words.

Did _Kukai_ say that?

"You know," I started. "If you wanted to be with her every second of the day, I can go so you could be with her right no--,"

"Stay."

He gave me a firm look in my eyes. I hadn't noticed before. I hadn't noticed _ever_.

I never knew what a handsome boy he was, or how smart he was, or how remarkably refreshing he was earlier…probably because I was so distracted looking into his eyes.

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**8D**  
**A bit surprising? You weren't really expecting a Kutau fic from me, weren't cha? ;)**

**Well, I saw that Kutau kiss last week~**

**And I have so many March BDays~**

**I just decided to make something for the March celebrants with my now aroused love for Kutau! [not telling who are the BDay gals until last chapter ;)]**

**Man, Kutau used to be my second place pairing, but the kiss was so... *SQUEEL***

**Sweetness!!!**

**You review, I update. That's a fanfiction author's life for ya.**


	2. About His Charm

We always eat ramen.

We constantly go out to eat it.

I'm so sick and tired of it…but he doesn't get sick of anything. We still eat ramen a lot…

He doesn't give in that quickly.

He doesn't get tired of the things he loves.

And that's just part of his charm.

* * *

My phone was awkwardly silent.

I'm always expecting calls from You-Know-Who, I confess. He refreshes me; he makes me forget about the past. One time, he told me, "Forget about the past. Don't worry about the future. The most important time is the present."

I thought it was so unlike him, I laughed.

But I if I told you the words meant nothing to me, I'd be lying.

Kukai and I always had these rondevouz… I thought it was incredibly complicated. I was a famous singer back then, too, and my acting career was taking shape. I thought it was nearly impossible to spend some time with my best guy friend.

"_I was really shocked to see you kiss Ikuto because you just did it out of the blue. Not because I was naïve or anything…"_

"_I really, really loved Ikuto."_

"_He's your brother! Of course you'd love him."_

He changed my mind about Ikuto.

It was _him._ Not Amu or even myself… It was him. He even told me my incestral love for Ikuto has been abducting my health. I yelled at him because he was acting so much like a doctor. He wouldn't know what's best for me!

We fought for three days.

'_Utau? I'm sorry. I was acting so selfish back then. I hope you'll forgive me.'_

_'Utau? It's me again. I thought about how we could spend some more time together! I got a job from Sanjo-san! She told me she'd pay me a thousand yen everytime I take you to where you need to go. Of course you know I'd do it for free. Only if it's for you '_

I couldn't help but to forgive him. He's got this charm with him that makes him so inevitably attracitve. I actually sort of felt this little connection with him. I mean, he was older than me (or so I've thought), he's nice, he's sweet… But I just put him out there, I didn't fall for him just like that. I still sorta liked Ikuto. Even after I'd accepted that fact that Ikuto was just a brother to me.

I replied to Kukai's text, telling him that I needed to head to the studio today.

"Kukai?", I called to him.

"Idol-san! You called! I'm so happy!"

_Cut the sweet talk please_, I thought to myself. "Hey, yout hink you could be here in about five minutes? I just got called in to the studio and--,"

I was extremely angry at him for hanging up on me.

I was so upset that he would diss me off like that! I can't rely on people afterall, even if they're—

"Utau, hop on!"

That wasn't even two minutes.

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On the Way

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I didn't want to go to the studio.

I wasn't even _supposed _to go to the studio. I just wanted to see his exuberant face and reviving expressions. I was even too stubborn to admit that back then… I was in denial for almost three years I've known him.

"Kukai?"

"Is there something wrong?"

_How would I respond?, _I thought. "I just got a text from the director. He's—er—sick, so we all have a day off."

"Sure?"

"Sure."

He stopped the bike.

"Positive you aren't saying that just because you wanna spend time with me?"

There was no getting past him.

"Shut up." I said in a tone, admitting defeat. "Take me to the place where we met."

"But then you'd see me smile about it, and I think I'll never get over how embarassed I'll be."

"I see you smile everytime I see you." I brought up.

"Yeah but, I don't want you to see me smile like a fool…"

"You already smile like a fool, you fool."

After a roll of his eyes, he turned his bike around to the place where we met.

…I'm thinking it was the beach…

He took me to a place between some woods. There was a bench on the small road we were at.

And then it all hit me:

_This_ is where we met. Not the beach. _Here_, fighting.

That's a lovely way to meet one of your best friends, right?

"Do you want some ice cream, Utau?" he asked.

"No, I'm good. I'm just thinking…" The two of us sat down on the bench. It was weird; I was sitting way on the right side of the bench, but Kukai was right next to me. The side of our legs were slightly touching each other.

"Is it bothering you, Idol-san?" he asked, referring to the contact.

"No, it's just…You suddenly mean so much to me."

It was a totally shocking thing to say. I never talk about how I feel with anyone. I struggle even when I used to tell Ikuto, "I love you."

"You've meant so much to me for a long time…" he said, barely above a whisper. "That was so hard for me to say."

"Don't blush."

"Why no--,"

"It's 'cause you look so different like that. Were you trying to imply something by saying saying that, Kukai…?"

"Don't blush."

"Don't use my quotes."

"Don't tell me what to do."

Was he just being playful, or was he serious? I still don't understand that stuff…

"Utau?"

I hesitated to respond. Nonetheless, I did.

"What's up?"

His hands were in a fist. Swiftly, the fist was coming towards my face. I thought he was going to beat me, like how Chris did to Rihanna. But instead, he pressed it gently against my forehead, whispering so quietly in my ear…

"One day, I hope I will mean so much more to you than this."

"Huh? What do you--,"

"Best of luck, Idol-san."

I went home that night, not sure what to make of that last comment.

His eyes distracted me so much again, I couldn't think.

* * *

**Alright, I don't think I can finish this before the BDay girls' Bdays, so...**

**March 10--HAPPY BDAY XMILKTEA!!! (on YouTube) :D**

**March 16--tailsandcharmy, bestest wishes to you! (on YouTube)**

**March 21--SoraTakenouchiFan, I love you dear :) I wish you the best birthday! (on YouTube...again)**

**March 22--SaphirePikachu, sorry for the Kutau XD (on YouTube)**

**Now how do I get this to you...? X3**


	3. About Our Mutual Feelings

How long has it been?

It's been a while.

Kukai has not spoken to me for quite the amount of time, and my heart ached to think of the reasons why he would not have answered to my constant texts.

Could he have been avoiding me? Could he have gotten bored of hanging out with me?

Like I said, my heart ached. I don't understand guys anyway. Why must they be so complicated?

I decided to text him once more.

'_Kukai? Hey, are you alive?'_

Five minutes later, I've gotten my first text from him in over two weeks. (I guess my birthday was ignored…)

'_I am alive.'_

I was not very satisfied with his blunt reply.

'_What is wrong with you?'_

The moment I had sent the text, I regretted it. More and more those days, it was like I was becoming a bipolar trapezoid. I was being mean, seeming like a furious stalker-girlfriend in the text, but I'm more worried for him than upset.

_Why?_

'_I can't think anymore.'_

I was dead afraid for him. My favorite guy…_friend_…could have autism. He could've hit his head and developed a mental disease! So I thought _that's_ why he didn't reply to my texts. He forgot _how._

'_Um, I'm going to see you. I'll have Ikuto stalk you for me.'_

* * *

Ikuto is one reliable stalker.

He tracked down Kukai within five minutes.

As soon as I found out where he was, I put on my heavy raincoat and reluctantly headed out of my apartment.

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**YOU GUYS.**

**UGH.**

**HOW CAN YOU LIKE THIS? IT'S TORTURE FOR ME TO WRITE THIS FANFICTION ABOUT EMOTIONS AND LOVE!**

**I'M A BROKEN HEARTED GIRL, THIS IS SO MASOCHISTIC. UGH. **

**I'm going to the last paragraphs. Just to get this thing over with.**

* * *

"I think I may have fallen for you."

And then he smiled at me, like everything was going to be all right. Like he was expecting his arm to heal, like he was expecting his mom to come home safely, like he expected me to return his affections.

He squeezed my hand a little bit, like he didn't want to hurt me when he's the one who's hurt on the hospital bed right now. His cast felt rough and rigid against my skin, but I felt the warmth he meant to give off.

My heart skipped a beat.

My heart actually, skipped _many _beats.

And so I decided, without any denial that…

I won't let him down on the last expectation.

"You sweating, bleeding flirt."

He sat upright against the bedpost. I was astounded he would do that; he'd just fractured his spine. And then he leaned in, eyes closed.

I knew what was going to come up next.

The pleasure of his warm, smooth lips have caught me. I have never felt like his before kissing Ikuto. I wanted him to be mine, the kiss assured it. I can't be without him.

Kukai, I love you.

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**:P**

**Flame?**

**Why not, you meanie boo-boo head?**

**[NICE reviews make for a happy Vidka :D]**


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